Can I? I CAN.

Coffee is my best friend. Since I always tend to fall asleep during my review time. The coffee makes me feel warm and awake. Thank God I don't palpitate. 

"she's a maze with no escape"- perry poetry 

                When I was on 5th grade, I really wished to graduate elementary. It was fun, the elementary days. It was really fun. Less stress I think? True friends and good days. At 7th grade I wasn't able to adjust well. I only had 3 or 4 close friends back on my elementary days but two of them went to other schools. But as times goes by, I met new friends. I met my best friend. She's the best btw. Time passed and school's getting hard for me. It was really hard. At elementary my grades aren't enough to be at the top 10. Maybe like 80, 84, 89, 90. But when i went in high school, things changed. I started to focus more on my studies. Focused, very focused. I got into the top 10 in grade 7. That was the first time. It made my parents proud. I am proud of myself. Things get tougher on grade 8, but still i managed to survive (lol). At grade 9, it was different.

              I join an organization that changed everything.  It was called "Citizenship Army Training (CAT)". A lot of my classmates indirectly dragged me down. "You're to thin for a training" "You'll just quit" "You can't do it." Of course, It makes me sad and confused. But guess what? I didn't quit. I faced all the punishments, training, body aches, and challenges. I did it not just to prove them wrong, but to simply gain respect from them. Honestly, the training was worth it, the lessons, discipline and the family that i gain. I was ranked as the "S1 Adjutant" in our batch. I didn't maintain my grades and didn't let anything to affect it. Then grade 10 comes, here comes the most memorable and hardest year in high school for me. I continued to be an S1 Adjutant and an assistant secretary for the Student council. I did my best to have what i deserve. I graduated high school and I'm happy that i did it. Despite of all what happen in my high school days, i made it to senior high school.

                  My first day in COSB-R was good. But the next days went wrong. I got hate and bullying in my social media. The next days, terms got a lot harder. Subjects get a little harder too. But with God's help, I was counted on with honors on the 1st semester in grade 11. It gives me more inspiration to study more. Everything's getting harder for me. There was one time, i literally cried in the middle of memorizing. I really tried to memorize it, i didn't sleep, and guess what? all i did was to cry. I put too much pressure in me. This past few days, all i did is to  study. I didn't expect senior high school would be so stressful. There are a lot of times, I put too much pressure to myself. Overthinking and anxiety adds more fear to me. I'm blaming it all to the works or tasks, but then I realized it was me. It was me who makes my life difficult. 

                   I also think of my future. What ifs are circulating my mind since then. I'm not a little girl anymore, I must think of something to build my future. What if I didn't get hired? What if I didn't became a Flight Attendant? What will happen to me? Can I still travel the world? Will I be able to see the Eiffel Tower? I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen to my future. Will I even pass my dream university? Being a student is very hard. But of course, I will still do my best. I hope when I was in college, I would be able to read this again and get inspired. Get inspired because despite of all the hardships, I'm still trying. So please, Emirates Airlines, hire me. 

i hope y'all make it,

till the end.

just drink coffee,

and start again.

-clarisse anne dimaligalig
blackswan